My Story

People ask me why I am so negative. They ask me why I am so obsessed with this issue, why I can't take a rest, a break, let myself heal. I won't deny that I am obsessed. I am. I want to make people listen, even if they would cover their ears. I want to make them see, to feel. I want to make them act. Once I wanted to totally wipe out alcohol from my campus, and everywhere else. But now that won't satisfy me. Now I want to wipe out alcohol from everyone's lives. Because even if I manage to somehow get all the liquor shops around here shut down, which in itself would be a herculean task(but not an impossible one), that would still not stop people from wanting to drink, from procuring alcohol from other shops a bit farther off. No. That is not my aim. My aim is to get the people to understand the effects of alcohol consumption. My aim is to get them to give up the bottle themselves. I want to destroy Alcohol. I won't deny it. I am partly driven by revenge. I won't deny that either. I am not half-way sure if I will ever succeed. But if I can convince even one person to give up alcohol, I would consider it worth all the effort. Hell, I would consider it my life's purpose reached.

I have a fire inside me. It scorches me, tortures me, makes me scream out in pain. I have felt it often enough to know what it wants. It's purpose is to burn. My purpose is to burn; to give warmth and light. And if I don't fight to fulfill my purpose, I'll go out. That is why, I can't quit. I have to burn. I can't let my wounds heal. I have to keep the blood flowing. It is the fuel to my fire. You may call me negative. But I am only fulfilling my destiny.

My destiny is to burn.

On Death

Life is so difficult. Choices, responsibilities, duties, all waiting to trap us as soon as we step out into the real world. But death? Death is oh, so simple! A simple overdose of sleeping pills, or a slit on the wrist, or an accident, or an illness, or just being at the wrong place at the wrong time, can free you forever of the burden of life. So simple, so clean. Just one sharp, piercing pain, and then it's all over. Right?

Yes. But only for you. Believe it or not, there will always be people you leave behind to cry. There will always be someone who will regret all the rest of his/her life, their last fight with you. There will always be someone who will wish that they had made up with you before you left. There will always be someone who will feel responsible for your death, even if they were not, and even if they half-knew that they were not. There will always be someone who will feel that they were not there for you. And, this is specially for those who intend to die of substance abuse, there will always be someone who will keep on wondering what would have happened if they had managed to stop you in time, from downing another bottle of whiskey, from finishing another pack of cigarettes, from taking that last fatal ride. You will find the oblivion that you seek, or the fame, but there will be those who will never be able to forgive themselves, never be able to forget you.

But what does it matter to you? Right now, you are frustrated. Right now, life seems all uphill. Right now, you feel like nobody cares for you. Right now, you want to do something drastic. Right now, you want to drown your sorrows in a bottle of vodka. Go ahead, do whatever you want. But take care. They say that there is something called afterlife where, who knows, you might have to watch all those who loved you, tear themselves up with the pain and sorrow that you gave them.

Life is tough. Get tougher. It's a battle. Get a hold of yourself and FIGHT, soldier. And remember, there's always someone, somewhere who cares for you, waits for you, prays for you. So keep faith and keep fighting.

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